They're still with me.

We don't talk about Smudge's twin very much. I know we both think about the other baby, and plan to tell her about all that we went through when she's older, but that's usually where the conversation stops.

This morning, my extremely pregnant cousin texted me to tell me she has a friend with some extra gonal pens. Her friend had emailed her this morning to wish her a safe delivery and happened to ask if she knew anyone who needed meds. My cousin told me that someone is looking out for me. 

And suddenly I had the clearest vision of my grandmother holding a baby girl (Smudge's twin) and telling me that Smudge was going to have another sibling. I know that they're the ones that made this happen. My guardian angels.

Thanks to amazing friends (and family), I now have enough meds for my cycle. Some are still on the way, and we'll still have to buy some of the smaller things, like estrace and progesterone... but the major stuff (gonal-f, menopur and ganirelix) is all taken care of.

Bring it on, IF. I'm going to beat you. Again.