First Pen Down

I think it's funny that the gonal-f pen comes with so many needles. Sometimes I wonder if anyone actually uses that many for one pen. All I know is that today is stims day 4, and my first pen is down. 

I can definitely feel some sort of action going on in my ovaries, the left more so than the right. But I know the right one is a little further behind my uterus, so I wonder if that make me able to feel it a little bit less. I guess I'll find out for sure tomorrow morning.

By this time tomorrow, I will already be on my way home from monitoring #3.2. I will know how I'm stimming; if this tripled AMH (still crap, but less crap) is making any difference, and what my risk for cancelation is. I feel like tomorrow means almost as much as whatever happens on retrieval day. I'll never forget crying my eyes out on my way home, on that day 2 cycles ago, when I was told that there was a good chance I might be canceled. I hope to never hear those words again.

So, sacrifice a chicken, cross everything, throw some salt, say a prayer, light a candle and smoke 'em if you got 'em. I need all the luck I can get.

*\o/* *\o/* *\o/* *\o/* *\o/* *\o/* *\o/* *\o/* *\o/* *\o/* *\o/*

A few vag cheerleaders never hurt.

They're still with me.

We don't talk about Smudge's twin very much. I know we both think about the other baby, and plan to tell her about all that we went through when she's older, but that's usually where the conversation stops.

This morning, my extremely pregnant cousin texted me to tell me she has a friend with some extra gonal pens. Her friend had emailed her this morning to wish her a safe delivery and happened to ask if she knew anyone who needed meds. My cousin told me that someone is looking out for me. 

And suddenly I had the clearest vision of my grandmother holding a baby girl (Smudge's twin) and telling me that Smudge was going to have another sibling. I know that they're the ones that made this happen. My guardian angels.

Thanks to amazing friends (and family), I now have enough meds for my cycle. Some are still on the way, and we'll still have to buy some of the smaller things, like estrace and progesterone... but the major stuff (gonal-f, menopur and ganirelix) is all taken care of.

Bring it on, IF. I'm going to beat you. Again.