I'm Doing it Again

But seriously. Is anyone capable of not comparing cycles? If you are, PLEASE tell me how, because I'm starting to get really upset. I'm hoping part of today's giant let down is Dr O. I DON'T like her. She's completely insincere, and I honestly wonder if she's this way with all of the patients, or just the ones who aren't hers. 

I'm not even going to tell you guys my follicle sizes from today, because they just don't make sense. There are fewer than yesterday on the right, more than yesterday on the left, and one of my 14mms seems to have just up and vanished.


The good news from today is that my E2 is 963 and my lining is up to 12.4mm. (Yeah, whatever. I do not believe it went from 9-12.4 overnight. I think she measured wrong yesterday, because Fran had gotten 10 the day before.)

Anyway - now I'm just worried about too many things. They're increasing my dosage of gonal-f for tonight. And when I say "they", I mean Dr. O, because apparently she's the doctor on this weekend. So, what if she's giving bad advice. She obviously can't measure a follicle... what if she doesn't manage a cycle well either? On my smudge cycle, I triggered monday, with a ton of follicles over 16mm. My failed cycle, I triggered thursday with finally larger follicles, but they all sucked and I obviously didn't get pg. So, what if the longer I stim, the worse the quality will be? Today is stims day 10. And I'm starting to really worry. 

Again, the only good news is that with potentially (depending on her measurements)  8 follicles above 12mm, my estrogen is 963 on stims day 10, whereas with my smudge cycle, on stims day 10, I had 15 follicles over 13 and it was only 1130. So, i'm continuing to have a higher estrogen to follicle ratio. At least I keep telling myself that's good.

So - antagonist experts, talk to me. If I stim for 13-14 days, do you think I still have a chance? Did they start the ganerilix too soon (i started it with a 15 and a 14... btw, the 15 seems to have vanished)? Is Dr O just incapable of accurate measurements? Am I worried about nothing, or do I have a real reason?

I just really need someone to blow some sunshine up my butt, because I'm back on the ledge and it isn't pretty. 

I've Fallen Off of the Decaf Wagon

Okay - so it's still only a couple of ounces of caffeine per day - but this waking up at 5:30am to get to monitoring in time to be first, to be home in time for Smudge's Dad to go to work and not be late, is getting EARLIER and EARLIER every day. Enter the weekend, where they tell everyone to be there at 7am, as opposed to just between 7-9am. So, today it was doubly important to get there first, since their satellite offices are closed on the weekends and everyone goes to the main office for weekend monitoring. It was PACKED this morning. 

I was still first.

One thing was noticable this morning. With the exception of the same nice lab tech that did the bloodwork (an older woman named Janet), I do NOT like the weekend staff. There was a nurse that I have never met before and one of Dr. Z's new colleagues since Dr. B left, Dr. O.  The best thing about Dr. Z's office is the warm fuzzies. Fran hugs me before she leaves my room. Dr. Z either hugs me or holds my hand. Dr. O was all business, all the time. I guess some people need that. But i don't know. To me, if you're going to be putting cameras in places, we could at least be friendly about it. 

Anyway - Today is stims day 9 and day 2 of ganirelix.  Dr. O measured my lining at 9mm, still trilaminar. Fran measured it at 10mm yesterday. I know it's subjective, so I'm not worried about it. If Fran measured it at point A and got 10mm, Dr O could measure it at point B and get something different. As long as my E2 keeps going up, that's all I care about.  Plus, i'm still drinking the pomegranate juice, and we know how that helps thicken things. 

My right ovary is a MACHINE. Are you ready? Here we go: 14mm, 11.2mm, 13.1mm, 7.6mm, 13.5mm, 6.7mm, 11.4mm, 10.2mm, 9.3mm, 12.9mm. She only measured 4 on the left, where Fran and Dr Z have both been measuring 5. So she either missed one, or just didn't measure the little one, but the ones she measured look great: 14.7mm, 12.8mm, 14.7mm and the last one was either 11 or 13mm (i don't remember).  At this point, I'm looking at anything 13ish or higher as a potential mature egg, which still puts us at 7-8 for retrieval. I think they'll try to retrieve out of follicles even a little smaller, but if I have 7-8 mature eggs, i'll be happy. That gives us good odds, in my head, anyway.

And the news gets even better. Since it's a weekend and they want to leave as early as possible, Nurse Jennifer just called with my E2.

Drumroll please......

723!!!!!!!!!

This cycle is starting to really pick up. With 13 large follicles in my Smudge cycle on the same stims day, my E2 was 899. My estrogen per follicle is DEFINITELY higher this cycle and that can only mean good things about the maturation of the eggs. There are only 7-8 that we're counting this time. 


No med changes and I go back in the morning. May the force be with me.

Power to the Penguins

I have a confession. I'm comparing cycles like a mofo. 

I got my E2 back. It's 498. So, definitely better than yesterday. Today is stims day 8. Wouldn't you know that I also started Ganirelix on stims day 8 in my Smudge cycle too? That's a happy coincidence, don't you think? My E2 was 615, but I also had 13 follicles over 10mm. Now I only have 8! I think that's really good news for my level.  I had 13 follicles and the E2 was 615 (we retrieved 13 eggs BTW, but only 7 were mature).  I think it's actually HIGHER now, looking at the number of follicles. The actual number is a little bit lower, but I have almost half the number of follicles! I bet all 7 of these will be mature. 

Can you imagine if they all fertilize?! The thought of having 7 embryos is almost overwhelming. I don't know if we would ever do another fresh cycle (if this cycle works), but Smudge's Dad has already agreed to do a FET in the future if we wind up with something to freeze. 

Okay - getting ahead of myself. 

All that matters is I have 7 follicles going strong. 

Going back tomorrow, and I'm sure every day until trigger. 

OMG. This is going to happen REALLY soon.

The March of the Penguins

The socks were out in force this morning, and Nurse Fran has stopped laughing at me and is now laughing with me.

Yesterday, my list of measurable follicles was pretty short... today, she needed TWO screens to list them all!

page 1...

Page 2!!

Without further ado, and because I know you're all dying to know:

My lining looks great. 10mm and trilaminar. Thank you pomegranate juice.

And the important stuff... what we're all here for:

5 measurable follicles on the left: 9.2mm, 6.8mm, 12.7mm, 13.3mm, 12.3mm

10 (um, yes, I said TEN) measurable follicles on the right: 8.9mm, 7.1mm, 10mm, 8.7mm, 13mm, 8.6mm, 9mm, 15mm, 14.3mm, 12.8mm

Now, anything under 10, they're really not looking at. But there are a few REALLY good looking follicles there: 3 on the left and 4, MAYBE 5 on the right. But it looks like 7 is going to be my magic number this retrieval. Seven was the number with IVF #1, and we all know how that turned out. But this time seven is going to be lucky. Things are trucking right along, and I'm not worried. 

Right?

Because of the follicles 14mm and over, I started a new medication this morning called Ganirelix. This injectible is going to prevent the follicles from releasing the eggs too soon, and will allow some of the others to catch up. It's the med that keeps on giving. When it goes in, you're lulled into this false sense of, "hey, this one isn't so bad". Then about 5-10 minutes later, holy mother of goats, does that sucker sting. The Ganirelix comes in a pre-filled syringe, so you don't have to draw it up or anything, you just stick and shoot. Yeah, whatever. That needle is dull as a spork. So, smart cookie that I am, i empty it into a new syringe and stick a sharp needle on the end. 

Good thing too... I already look like this:

The IF landscape

Anyway - just sitting now, and waiting to hear what my estrogen is. From here on it, I'll be going to be monitored with vagcam and bloodwork every day until trigger. Fran will call me every afternoon to tell me my estrogen and if I need to adjust any doses. 

I'll leave you with this today... the reason why we're doing this. Because she deserves to have a sibling.

I'll update later.

They're still with me.

We don't talk about Smudge's twin very much. I know we both think about the other baby, and plan to tell her about all that we went through when she's older, but that's usually where the conversation stops.

This morning, my extremely pregnant cousin texted me to tell me she has a friend with some extra gonal pens. Her friend had emailed her this morning to wish her a safe delivery and happened to ask if she knew anyone who needed meds. My cousin told me that someone is looking out for me. 

And suddenly I had the clearest vision of my grandmother holding a baby girl (Smudge's twin) and telling me that Smudge was going to have another sibling. I know that they're the ones that made this happen. My guardian angels.

Thanks to amazing friends (and family), I now have enough meds for my cycle. Some are still on the way, and we'll still have to buy some of the smaller things, like estrace and progesterone... but the major stuff (gonal-f, menopur and ganirelix) is all taken care of.

Bring it on, IF. I'm going to beat you. Again.