One, Singular Sensation.....

Crazy doubling betas, insane bleeding for more than a week... it's all been stressing me out more than I care to admit. This pregnancy is already so different from my last. Including the way it's starting. Not with anything bittersweet. No lost twin. No lost anything, despite that horrendous nightmare about losing the baby the other night. 

Just this: I give you...... Squishy.

Hi, Baby: 6w1d. 

Squishy is measuring right on track at 3.7mm and at 6w. We were able to see a heartbeat today at 111bpm, which is exactly where it should be according to the American Pregnancy Association,  and what I think is the best webpage ever explaining early fetal development (and doing it well).

Dr Z couldn't see any explanation for the bleeding I experienced. So, of the options available, he thinks we were dealing with implantation bleeding from my thick lining. All that matters is that he sees no bleeding or interruption around the pregnancy. He also doesn't see any of my fibroids (there were 9 at my c-section for Smudge). So all good news there. 

I do have a cyst on my right ovary the size of my head. We'll hope that resolves sometime soon.

And as a complete aside, on my way out of the office, Dr Z pulled me aside and asked if he could ask me a question. He may be looking for more nurses.... and on the weekend. He wanted to know if he could call me to discuss working for him. That would just be amazing and I continue to be so touched that he thinks enough of me to ask me to work for him. And I wouldn't have to worry about how to tell him I'm pregnant, either! 

Next u/s is scheduled for thursday. Please continue to send us all the positives you can, because we're not out of the woods yet. We're still aiming for that 8w mark, where the chance of m/c drops to less than 5%. Seeing a heartbeat today was great news, but I'll be happy when our risk of losing this baby drops below double digits. Stay tuned.

The WORST 2ww

It's no joke that the 2ww between retrieval and beta sucks. I even have a whole posting dedicated to how much so, here. But if anyone tells you that it's the worst wait, they're either complete and total liars or they've just never done this before, because the WORST 2ww is between that official beta and the first u/s... when you find out if you actually have a viable pregnancy.

Assuming I DO have a viable pregnancy, this is what my baby is up to today: Check Out: The Visible Embryo. I love that website.

That first u/s is usually at the 6w mark. A few other things usually get ushered in around that mark, morning sickness among them. I'm hopeful that my little embryo is snuggling in nice and deep, because today I woke up sick as a dog. WIth Smudge, I spent a lot of time nauseous, but never threw up. Can't say the same now, that's for sure. My acupuncturist has asked me to not drink peppermint or ginger right now (of course). Something about they're very grounding and we want to be uplifting, or some other new-agey hoo-hah. I'm just going under the assumption that a can of organic ginger ale here and there isn't going to be the worst thing in the world, because it REALLY makes me feel better temporarily. 

I've been told to try Sea Bands for nausea. Thoughts? Leave them in the comments!! :)

This stuff is AWESOME.

The good news is that the spotting has finally stopped. I'm officially over 24 hours without spotting. Even so, if you know me, you know that there's no way i'm going to make it another 10 days to u/s without ANY monitoring at all. So, I just got off the phone with my covering nurse (of course Fran is on vacation this week), and they're fitting me in for a beta thursday morning. I'll feel much better if I can just see the numbers continuing to rise.

I'm 5w tomorrow. Stay tuned. 

And Now We Wait.....

I'm really tired, you guys. It's been a long day in Smudge's house. So, what's the old saying? "Just the facts, Ma'am"; is that it?

Smudge cycle:
Beta 1, 14dpo: 126 with P4 = 44
Beta 2, 19dpo: 941 with P4 = 48
Doubling time: 41.37hrs

Current cycle:
Beta 2, 14dpo: 142 with P4 = 29 (increased daily PIO dosage)
Beta 3, 16dpo: 309 with P4 = >40
Doubling time: 42.79hrs

We'll take it.

First ultrasound will be July 12th. If I continue spotting or bleeding in the coming week, they will get me in sooner for another beta or an early u/s.

Stay tuned....

Double Trouble

I swear, the International Symbol for Infertility should be:

Well, minus the smokes, of course.


I think I spend as much time waiting for the phone to ring as I do shooting myself up with various poisons. 

Anyway, when last we met, we were hoping for a strong beta today. The definition of a "strong beta" is to double in 48 hours. On Monday (9dp3dt), at 11am, my beta was 42. 

Today (11dp3dt), at 7am, less than 48 hours later, it was 142. 

According to my new best friends at BetaBase.info, my beta has a doubling time of 25 hours.  It more than tripled less than 48 hours. There IS some concern. My progesterone DID drop again. It's now 29. Dr. Z is being very proactive and upping my PIO dosage. Yay - bigger butt shots. Whatever I have to do, i'll do. I'm just glad he's not forcing vag suppositories on me again. Those things suck - and quite honestly, I'm spotting enough already. 

Oh yeah, the spotting. Still going on. Fran says that if I'm still spotting next week, that Dr Z will let me come in for another beta and maybe even an early ultrasound to ease my mind. But she's not worried. 

Because, as a very good friend has told me, I'm good and knocked up. 

Here's my theory - and we'll see how it pans out. Even though I still feel like there's only one in there, and Heather (my acu) feels like there's only one in there, maybe there are 2 after all. I'm wondering if one embryo splitting could cause a rapid beta rise but a slight drop in progesterone. There would only one corpus luteum to produce progesterone, so that would explain that being a little lower, while the beta was slightly higher. 

Another beta and progesterone check on friday. I guess we'll see. 

Here We Go Again.....

Dr. Z is pretending today's blood work results don't exist. I know he didn't want to run them, but Fran is my hero as always and got me in. They checked my beta and my progesterone. My progesterone DID drop a little to 31.5,  but it's still above 30, so he's happy with that and not making any changes to my bloodwork.

My beta is 42 on 9dp3dt. According to BetaBase, that is just above the median, so I will take it. 

Dr Z is bringing me back for my "official" beta and progesterone check on wednesday and then again on friday, like today never happened.  All I know is, today, I am pregnant. Heather (my acupuncturist) says I'm VERY pregnant. I feel good. Early pregnancy spotting/bleeding is normal and much easier for me to deal with than having another failed IVF cycle. 

That's definitely two lines.

I'm pregnant. 

Deja Vu?

If you'll indulge me for a few minutes, I'd like to bring your attention to the anonymous group blog I posted for while we were trying to conceive Smudge. 4dp3dt (4 days post 3 day transfer), I made this post (link in caption):

http://bloominbabies.blogspot.com/2010/03/ivf-2-2-week-wait-update.html

Well, yesterday was 4dp3dt for this IVF cycle. Once again, I went in for a blood draw at the crack of dawn. And once again, I waited all day for the phone to ring. 

I sat with my phone in my hand waiting for it to ring, only to look down and see a voicemail from Fran saying my P4 was greater than 40! Of course I called her right back to find out the exact number. She said their new machine only says >40. So, that blows that I can't see how awesome my number is, but I'm not going to look that gift horse in the mouth, no way. 

And I know, I know, stop comparing cycles... but at this point, really, CAN I?

All I know, is based on past performance, I have the potential to be EXTREMELY disappointed now. 

How the heck am I supposed to make it an ENTIRE week until Beta?

The Two Week Wait Sucks PLUS the State of our Remaining Embryos.

So, I've meandered around the interwebz and I've noticed that in more than a few blogs, tuesdays are referred to as "Top 10 Tuesdays". I'm not usually one to jump into the mainstream, but this time i figured, "why not?". So, today, i'm going to give you "The Top 10 Reasons the IVF 2ww SUCKS".

Disclaimer: these are my reasons the 2ww sucks.
You may have entirely different reasons or not agree with mine at all.
I give complete validity to ANY reasons why the IVF 2ww sucks.

10. Unlike way back when you were actually just trying to get pregnant "the old fashioned way", you KNOW there are embryos in there. Now you have to spend the next 2 weeks wondering if your body is good enough to keep them there.

9. Wondering if every little thing you're doing is going to impact implantation in some way. My favorite (and you know we have ALL thought this at some point) is wondering if straining at all when going to the bathroom will cause them to get pushed out. Don't lie. You've wondered that too. How many of you have actually ASKED the RE that though? I have. Yep. Last cycle. Totally asked. 

8. The phrase "PUPO". I'm completely guilty of using it. It's a mindfreak.When the call comes that beta was negative, it almost makes the depression even worse - because for two weeks you were PUPO. And now you're nothing.

7. The bloat. Yesterday, I was wearing my only pair of maternity pants that didn't get packed away. That's how bad it is. Smudge's Dad promises me I'm not this fat all of the time. He says I'm just really bloated. He might be lying to me... but I'm hoping not.

6. The FLUID. My RE wants me drinking a MINIMUM of a gallon of liquids a day (preferably mostly juices, electrolyte drinks, etc) to help move the aforementioned bloat. OMG. Between the PIO (progesterone in oil) and the fluid, I can't get out of the bathroom.

5. Okay - since I already brought it up, the PIO. Really. An intramuscular injection every day. Don't get me wrong, I'll take it over vaginal suppositories any day of the week, and should this cycle work, i'll bare my ass to Smudge's Dad happily every morning for 12 weeks so he can shoot me up. But we're three days in, and i'm already a member of the painful lumpy butt brigade. It makes me itchy. And honestly, scratching ones rear in public is strongly frowned upon.

4. Okay - more about the PIO. Every 2ww (even the regular plain "old fashioned way" kind) comes with phantom pregnancy symptoms. But seriously. The IVF 2ww comes with those symptoms on steroids. We don't just get the regular NORMAL hormones. We're taking mega doses of them.  Voluntarily. Via pill and injection. IVFers are crazy. I'm sure of it. 

3. The people you told. Ugh.  Each time we do this, we say we're going to tell fewer people and this time, we've really only told immediate family.  It was necessary since the transfer  was on fathers day weekend and we needed some assistance with childcare during retrieval. But really, the "keeping everything crossed" with huge smiles and "Call me if there's news" is really getting old. I get that they're excited too - but can't they just follow our lead. If we're not talking about it, can't you not talk about it too. Don't you know how scared I am? How this isn't just sunshine and daffodils? Don't you remember that it doesn't always work? And you're not going to want to talk about it then... so drop it now.

2. You're still spending the entire 2ww waiting for the phone to ring. If you have extra embryos and you're waiting to see if they freeze. When you have your progesterone checked. And then when they finally draw your beta HCG.

And the #1 reason why the IVF 2ww sucks is..........

1. The pictures. 

Unlike when you're trying the old fashioned way, I have a picture of my embryos. Granted, once you have that baby, the embryo shots are surreal. But during the 2ww, you spend the entire time looking at those embryos, wondering what they'll be like or look like. Wondering which one is your baby. And when it doesn't work, you have something tangible to look at and know you lost. 

FUIF.

Speaking of what we lost, I'm a little heartbroken and worried this morning. I just got off the phone with Fran. Our remaining four embryos are not able to be frozen. They didn't die. Their quality is just not what it would have to be to survive thaw. How many questions does this open for me? What about the ones we put back? Are they the same way? Will they not make it this far? Are they bad too? 

Fran assured me (while I'm a crying idiot on the phone) that it means absolutely nothing for this cycle. Scott (embryologist extraordinaire) said he picked the best three and he has a really good feeling about them. I know his freezing criteria are really strict. I shouldn't feel too upset. Fran said she would hate to get me all ready for a FET, just to call me and tell me that we didn't have anything to transfer. So, while she didn't tell me so, i know this means that our remaining four embryos are going to be discarded. That makes me REALLY sad. Smudge's Dad says it's too late and we can't go back and pop the last four in there too. He said he doesn't want a reality show that badly. But the thought of just throwing them away is making me really sad. 

And I'm not going to lie - I'm now really worried about the three embryos that we transferred. 

Progesterone check tomorrow.

Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise!!

We spent the morning staring at my cell phone waiting for the call that we were being pushed back to monday. We hit the road and still kept staring at my phone. Even when I was drinking my pomegranate spritzer to fill my bladder, I was still waiting. 

Well - we didn't get pushed to a 5dt. 

I had a few moments of worry. What if we only had 1 or 2 left? What if we lost so many?

I didn't really have very long to worry about it, because before long, Jennifer was calling me in to go back. Penguin socks on, bare butt flapping in the breeze - hospital gowns are such joy. I can say one thing about ultrasound guided transfers... they SUCK. I miss my carefree non-u/s guided transfers where I didn't have to worry about peeing on the doctor  and the speculum putting too much pressure in places. 

But a few minutes later, I was seeing my embryos in a petri dish on the monitor getting sucked into the catheter that would deliver them to my uterus and a few minutes after that I saw them delivered 1 1/2 centimeters below the uterine fundus where hopefully they will eventually find a good spot and snuggle in. 

Folks, I'm PUPO!

And now, the nitty gritty! We had 10 eggs retrieved. 8 of them were mature and subjected to ICSI. Of those 8, 7 fertilized. Guess what? WE STILL HAVE SEVEN EMBRYOS!!!

We transferred three 8-cell embryos, 2 grade 2 and 1 grade 3. By comparison, during my Smudge cycle, we transferred 2 grade 2 and 1 grade 4. Dr. Z was sure to remind us that he never grades anything a 1. And seriously, one of the grade 2's looks pretty darned perfect. 

And the other 4? Well apparently, they're still thriving and we'll know monday if we are able to freeze any of them.

Please keep everything crossed for us. Say a prayer, throw some salt, light a candle, or whatever it is you do. Progesterone check on wednesday, Beta next wednesday (6/27).