Sunday, June 10, 2012

I'm Doing it Again

But seriously. Is anyone capable of not comparing cycles? If you are, PLEASE tell me how, because I'm starting to get really upset. I'm hoping part of today's giant let down is Dr O. I DON'T like her. She's completely insincere, and I honestly wonder if she's this way with all of the patients, or just the ones who aren't hers. 

I'm not even going to tell you guys my follicle sizes from today, because they just don't make sense. There are fewer than yesterday on the right, more than yesterday on the left, and one of my 14mms seems to have just up and vanished.


The good news from today is that my E2 is 963 and my lining is up to 12.4mm. (Yeah, whatever. I do not believe it went from 9-12.4 overnight. I think she measured wrong yesterday, because Fran had gotten 10 the day before.)

Anyway - now I'm just worried about too many things. They're increasing my dosage of gonal-f for tonight. And when I say "they", I mean Dr. O, because apparently she's the doctor on this weekend. So, what if she's giving bad advice. She obviously can't measure a follicle... what if she doesn't manage a cycle well either? On my smudge cycle, I triggered monday, with a ton of follicles over 16mm. My failed cycle, I triggered thursday with finally larger follicles, but they all sucked and I obviously didn't get pg. So, what if the longer I stim, the worse the quality will be? Today is stims day 10. And I'm starting to really worry. 

Again, the only good news is that with potentially (depending on her measurements)  8 follicles above 12mm, my estrogen is 963 on stims day 10, whereas with my smudge cycle, on stims day 10, I had 15 follicles over 13 and it was only 1130. So, i'm continuing to have a higher estrogen to follicle ratio. At least I keep telling myself that's good.

So - antagonist experts, talk to me. If I stim for 13-14 days, do you think I still have a chance? Did they start the ganerilix too soon (i started it with a 15 and a 14... btw, the 15 seems to have vanished)? Is Dr O just incapable of accurate measurements? Am I worried about nothing, or do I have a real reason?

I just really need someone to blow some sunshine up my butt, because I'm back on the ledge and it isn't pretty. 



1 comment:

  1. I still think you are doing really great, though I know it is impossibly hard not to compare every detail to the cycle that worked and interpret every deviation from that cycle as something working against you (which I actually don't think is true, but I totally get the temptation to interpret every difference that way). It really sounds like you are doing beautifully. I do not think they are frying you stimming you too long unless your e2 plateaus or drops or your progesterone rises. I have had both those things happen and that's how I knew things were being drawn out too long. As for the antagonist timing, 2/3 of my antagonist cycles I started Cetrotide on cd7, my cycle with the twins I started on cd6 and obviously that cycle had the better outcome from the ivf perspective. Everyone is different, but I would be more worried about starting the antagonist too late rather than too early - I am pretty sure starting the antagonist too late this time contributed to my premature luteinization. Even if your lead follicle was more like 13-14mm and not 15mm when you started the antagonist, I think that is just right, even if the antagonist has been slowing you down a bit. thinking of you, you are getting so close.

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