Honestly - How Many Pregnant Chicks Check the Paper EVERY Time They Wipe?

I can't be the only one.  Not by a long shot. 

Today is 11w6d, which is an interesting anniversary of sorts. With Smudge, at 11w6d, I started bleeding. I'll never forget shaking like a leaf, calling Smudge's Dad and then my nurse. Then my emergency u/s where I could breathe when I still saw her heart beating. 

Sub-chorionic hematoma AKA the scariest day of my life. The day I thought I was losing her, just like I lost her twin. 

And today, in the face of my newly surfaced pregnancy nightmares, I'll spend the day waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Tomorrow is my NT scan. Between my age, my egg quality, my nightmares, my teething toddler and my lack of sleep, I just need it to get here already. 

I'm not feeling clever today... but I AM still pregnant!

I'm too tired to be clever today (or at least to pretend i'm clever), but I still wanted to update on my first appointment with my midwives. It went really well. I'm 10w2d today and I was nervous. I know way too many girls who have had late 1st tri losses lately and I was sure something would have happened between my 8w at Dr Z and today. But my midwife (today I saw Louise) didn't make me wait at all. I didn't get a picture, but i can't believe how big Squishy has gotten in the last 2+ weeks and I saw the heartbeat immediately. So, that's the baby update and it's a good one. 

Then we talked a lot about my labor with Smudge. She said there were positive indications for a VBAC. 1) I was full term and I went into labor sort of spontaneously (I told her about the acu-induction and everything else I did) and 2) I did get to 10cm and pushed for a long time. She said those are both very good signs that I should be able to have a good trial of labor. That made me feel a lot better, because one of the other midwives wasn't as positive at my annual, when we talked about my contractions spacing apart. But that didn't even phase Louise when I told her. I also had a VERY uncomfortable pelvic exam, where she was feeling out the shape of my pelvis.  She said that the top of my pelvis is more pointed than rounded (which would be normal), but there's plenty of posterior room and there's no physical reason she could see for why Smudge couldn't descend other than her posterior position. So, that's another check in the right column. 

She talked about nutrition, and like so many ladies have told me, told me really not to sweat the numbers right now; to try to increase my protein to stay fuller longer. She has the same goals I do: to keep my gain under 25lbs total. So, hopefully we can stay under that number. 
We also talked about the possibility of having to have another c/s, which I definitely would like to avoid. But in the case we feel like that is where I'm headed, or even if we don't think that, but I decide to for my own comfort, I can make a prenatal appointment with their cooperating doctor (Dr M) so I can meet him and discuss some of my concerns about my last c/s. Louise also told me that it's policy at my new hospital that when the baby and mother are stable, the baby is admitted in the OR and stays with mom in recovery. Since one of my biggest issues is that Smudge was kept from me for HOURS after my last c/s, that really reassured me. 

I scheduled my NT scan, anatomy scan and fetal echo (which apparently is now standard with our perinatologist, but we have no problem with that since Smudge had a cardiac defect when she was born). 10 days until we get to see Squishy again! <3

I'll leave you with pictures of our newest acquisition: A City Select Stroller with a second seat. OMG. I don't know how I haven't had this stroller the whole time, but we found an amazing deal on craigslist.

Smudge really LOVES it too. We can't get her out of it. She actually climbed into it herself this morning. So, we're going to be using it as a single stroller until Squishy gets here, which is one of the great things about it. 

Hopefully, next time I'll have some pictures for you of Squishy, and not just toys.

Pomp and Circumstance

Last weekend, this was me:

That stomach virus was AWFUL. I haven't been sick like that in a long time. Dr. Z told me just to stay hydrated and the baby would be fine, so I shouldn't worry. Yeah, right. Whatever. But I dug in with my vitamin waters and chicken broth. Stayed hydrated and 72 hours later felt so much better.

TOO much better. 

All of my symptoms were gone. I wasn't bone tired anymore. I ate eggs and CHICKEN. 

Tuesday morning I called my nurse and asked if there was any chance she could get me in earlier for an u/s. So, the next day (because Fran is awesome), I went in for my 8w ultrasound.

And Squishy is still going strong. HB 170, growth right on track at 8w0d. The Visible Embryo says Squishy has a four chambered heart now. Fetal development is chugging right along. Oh - and Squishy is no longer an embryo. S/he's now a fetus. Which means:

I hate leaving Dr Z, especially for unknown waters. I am very glad to have changed providers to the midwives at a great hospital and Dr Z really likes them and their cooperating doctor, which is great news (he didn't love the OB who delivered Smudge). But at Dr. Z's office, I know everyone and they spoil me. I  guess we'll find out soon enough. Our first appointment with the midwives is at 10w2d.

Meanwhile, my dizzy spells are back and I'm a little queasy again. Someone remind me, the next time I start to feel great to just embrace it and not question everything. 

3-4 weeks until I'll be able to hear Squishy's heartbeat for myself on the doppler. Until then, I'm just going to get through this one day at a time. 

Cleared to Call!

Last week, Dr. Z told me not to call my midwife yet. We emailed our doula anyway, and good thing, too, since that same day she got emails from two other former clients saying they were due in March too! She only takes four clients a month and we're #3!

This week, even though I had a moment of panic because I couldn't see the heartbeat, Chris and Dr. Z both assured me they saw it just fine. Fran told me it was averaging 135 but as high as 150. And when the u/s was over, he told me to go ahead and call the midwives.

Squishy is measuring 8.3mm and 6w5d (which incidentally is the same Smudge was measuring one day later, just 7.9mm. Smudge's heartbeat was 158). Everything looks perfect. Dr. Z is not concerned about the gigunda cyst. He says it will resolve. Still no sign of any of the nine fibroids I had at the end of my pregnancy with Smudge.

So, phone call made. 10w2d appointment with the midwives scheduled.

So far this pregnancy, i'm just really hit by a truck exhausted. And chasing after a toddler like this is no easy task. I'm a little queasy and my chicken aversion is back and rearing it's ugly head again. I'm also gaining weight like there's no tomorrow. I'm not eating a whole lot more, so I'm hoping I can blame some of it on the crazy progesterone doses I'm on. I know part of it is also that I'm not eating fat free dairy any longer (like I was with Smudge's pregnancy). Now that I'm dairy free, the alternatives are not fat free, so I probably need to try to make some adjustments there as well. I only gained 20 pounds last time, and I'm practically 1/2 way there already. Disgusting. I'll get this under control. I refuse to add a weight issue to this pregnancy. 

And here is Squishy at 7w:

First Tri MindFreak

So, how do you usually feel when you're getting your period? 
Crampy, right? Bloated? Maybe a little gassy and nauseous?

Hey, guess what? Those are also all normal first trimester symptoms. And it sucks. It also sucks that as your estrogen rises, your cervical fluid increases. And that feels like bleeding, which leads to umpteen trips to the bathroom every day to make sure you're not. 

First tri is a cruel cruel joke. I sometimes wish I was as naive as some of those moms posting barely dry pee sticks on facebook at 3w6d pregnant, without a clue their world could end in a minute. 
Meanwhile, assuming everything is okay, visembryo.com says that we're in the baby manatee stage of embryo-hood.

7w ultrasound tomorrow. Please cross everything for us that Squishy still has a heartbeat. 

One, Singular Sensation.....

Crazy doubling betas, insane bleeding for more than a week... it's all been stressing me out more than I care to admit. This pregnancy is already so different from my last. Including the way it's starting. Not with anything bittersweet. No lost twin. No lost anything, despite that horrendous nightmare about losing the baby the other night. 

Just this: I give you...... Squishy.

Hi, Baby: 6w1d. 

Squishy is measuring right on track at 3.7mm and at 6w. We were able to see a heartbeat today at 111bpm, which is exactly where it should be according to the American Pregnancy Association,  and what I think is the best webpage ever explaining early fetal development (and doing it well).

Dr Z couldn't see any explanation for the bleeding I experienced. So, of the options available, he thinks we were dealing with implantation bleeding from my thick lining. All that matters is that he sees no bleeding or interruption around the pregnancy. He also doesn't see any of my fibroids (there were 9 at my c-section for Smudge). So all good news there. 

I do have a cyst on my right ovary the size of my head. We'll hope that resolves sometime soon.

And as a complete aside, on my way out of the office, Dr Z pulled me aside and asked if he could ask me a question. He may be looking for more nurses.... and on the weekend. He wanted to know if he could call me to discuss working for him. That would just be amazing and I continue to be so touched that he thinks enough of me to ask me to work for him. And I wouldn't have to worry about how to tell him I'm pregnant, either! 

Next u/s is scheduled for thursday. Please continue to send us all the positives you can, because we're not out of the woods yet. We're still aiming for that 8w mark, where the chance of m/c drops to less than 5%. Seeing a heartbeat today was great news, but I'll be happy when our risk of losing this baby drops below double digits. Stay tuned.

My Beating Heart

This is what an embryo's heart looks like:

And if all is progressing as it should be in there, the calculator at IVF.ca tells me that today my baby's heart started beating.

The next 5 1/2 days are going to take forever to get here.