Double Trouble

I swear, the International Symbol for Infertility should be:

Well, minus the smokes, of course.


I think I spend as much time waiting for the phone to ring as I do shooting myself up with various poisons. 

Anyway, when last we met, we were hoping for a strong beta today. The definition of a "strong beta" is to double in 48 hours. On Monday (9dp3dt), at 11am, my beta was 42. 

Today (11dp3dt), at 7am, less than 48 hours later, it was 142. 

According to my new best friends at BetaBase.info, my beta has a doubling time of 25 hours.  It more than tripled less than 48 hours. There IS some concern. My progesterone DID drop again. It's now 29. Dr. Z is being very proactive and upping my PIO dosage. Yay - bigger butt shots. Whatever I have to do, i'll do. I'm just glad he's not forcing vag suppositories on me again. Those things suck - and quite honestly, I'm spotting enough already. 

Oh yeah, the spotting. Still going on. Fran says that if I'm still spotting next week, that Dr Z will let me come in for another beta and maybe even an early ultrasound to ease my mind. But she's not worried. 

Because, as a very good friend has told me, I'm good and knocked up. 

Here's my theory - and we'll see how it pans out. Even though I still feel like there's only one in there, and Heather (my acu) feels like there's only one in there, maybe there are 2 after all. I'm wondering if one embryo splitting could cause a rapid beta rise but a slight drop in progesterone. There would only one corpus luteum to produce progesterone, so that would explain that being a little lower, while the beta was slightly higher. 

Another beta and progesterone check on friday. I guess we'll see. 

Here We Go Again.....

Dr. Z is pretending today's blood work results don't exist. I know he didn't want to run them, but Fran is my hero as always and got me in. They checked my beta and my progesterone. My progesterone DID drop a little to 31.5,  but it's still above 30, so he's happy with that and not making any changes to my bloodwork.

My beta is 42 on 9dp3dt. According to BetaBase, that is just above the median, so I will take it. 

Dr Z is bringing me back for my "official" beta and progesterone check on wednesday and then again on friday, like today never happened.  All I know is, today, I am pregnant. Heather (my acupuncturist) says I'm VERY pregnant. I feel good. Early pregnancy spotting/bleeding is normal and much easier for me to deal with than having another failed IVF cycle. 

That's definitely two lines.

I'm pregnant. 

Blood, Sweat and Tears... a 2ww Update

This morning I am 9dp3dt (9 days post 3 day transfer). That makes me 12dpo (days post ovulation). So what would be a better way to celebrate this milestone, than to go to the bathroom at work yesterday and find light brown (really tan-ish) CM/spotting.

Okay - as if that isn't panic inducing enough.

When I got home from work, that brown CM was bright red blood.

Let's TRY to focus on the positive here for a few minutes. I have NO cramping. A few twinges here and there, which is totally normal for the 2ww. And I have NEVER bled after IVF before coming off of PIO. My first cycle I didn't get my period until 6 days after the PIO stopped (and no spotting prior at all) and my second, I never even so much as spotted before my bleed at 11w6d pregnant.

But I also had bright red bleeding, which I've never had before other than either my period or when i had the sub-chorionic hematoma when I was 12w pregnant with Smudge.  And bright red bleeding right now is NOT what I needed to see. I'm at the point where I just need to know either way. If this didn't work, I need to mourn and move on. Right now, I'm trying to not focus on the implications of what that would mean. If it DID work, and I am pregnant right now - i just want to be pregnant and love my baby and take it one day at a time. 

What is killing me is the not knowing. At 12dpo, I should be able to have an idea of what is going on in there.  Smudge's Aunt rushed home last night with a FRER for me, because honestly I just need to know right now either way. But I'm too chicken to use it. Dr. Z's office doesn't start answering the phone until 8:30am - and that's too long away. I'm going to call the answering service in about 1/2 hour and ask to be patched to the office. They've done it before, and hopefully they'll do it again. I'm going to ask Fran, no, I'm going to beg her for an early beta. This was SO different when it was just me. But I'm completely incapable of being a stable parent right now. Last night, I got out of the shower, started bleeding and walked into Smudge's room to get her ready for bed. I cried the entire time I was rocking Smudge to sleep. I can't parent her this way. I'm prepared for a 12dpo beta to be low - but at least I'll know if it's positive or negative and be ready to move forward. 

The good news this morning is that before I went to sleep, the bleeding was just brown spotting again and that there was no blood overnight. 

Now I just have to get to beta.